Close Encounters of the Moronic Kind
Stupid Lady in a Kelisa
I had the 'privilege' this morning of crossing paths with an uptight, kiasu lady in a maroon kelisa. It happened at one of those roads where 2 lanes combines into 1. People, being civilized, usually take turns cutting into that 1 lane. First, the car on the left will go, then the car on the right, then the left and so on. Makes sense right? Everybody has their turn nice and proper, that way the traffic remains smooth and doesn't get clogged up like some sanitary pad filled toilet bowl.
So there I was, on my way to work, with the CD by Israel Houston blasting through my speakers, patiently awaiting my turn. Suddenly, I noticed that there was this little red object beside me, inching annoyingly forward. Turning to my right, I caught sight of a pale-faced lady, very thin, hook nose, looks like a witch, the works. This pale-faced, thin, hook-nosed, witch-like lady (phew...that's a mouthful. I think I'll just shorten it to PAFTHOW) ignored me and continued to inch her car forward in violent lurches, adamantly making sure that I did not get to take MY RIGHTFUL TURN!
The Duel
Everytime the car in front moved forward and I put on my signal light indicating that I want to merge into the lane, PAFTHOW would come roaring from behind, screeching to a stop a few milimeters from the bumper of the car in front. What the??!!
Annoyed, I tried to squeeze my way through, using a combination of poor clutch-play and mashing of the accelerator in an atempt to make my car lurch back and forth.
Lurching cars are scary alright.
Our side mirrors came within touching distance. Her car was literally inches from mine. I could see every single pock-mark on her scarred, weather beaten face. My lips curled up into a tense smile. I griped my steering wheel tightly, my knuckles turning white in the process.
A bead of sweat formed across my brow and trickled down.
My heart raced...up ahead, I could see the traffic beginning to move forward again.
Now was my chance!
Using my devastating skill, I expertly balanced my car at 3500rpm. My whole vehicle was pumped and primed, ready to POUNCE! Like a Tiger!!
NO way was PAFTHOW gonna get ahead of me. Never!
The car in front of us moved. Both of our cars raced forward, trying to close up the newly opened gap. Side mirror to side mirror, door to door, wheel to wheel. It was heart pumping stuff!
She is Good!
In spite of my heroics, it didn't work. PAFTHOW must have nerves of steel. Either that or she has loads of experience cutting people off on busy, packed roads. She expertly positioned her car slightly on the outer side of the road, before swooping in once she had a few inches of space to spare.
In this game of chicken, I backed down. No way I was gonna risk getting my car dented just to prove a point to PAFTHOW.
Crest-fallen, I backed away. Letting her go ahead of me. My ego was in ruins, my heart laid in tatters before me. Oh the humiliation!! The agony of defeat!!
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!
You'll have to excuse me for now. I need to find a place where I can cower in a corner and lick my wounds.
I had the 'privilege' this morning of crossing paths with an uptight, kiasu lady in a maroon kelisa. It happened at one of those roads where 2 lanes combines into 1. People, being civilized, usually take turns cutting into that 1 lane. First, the car on the left will go, then the car on the right, then the left and so on. Makes sense right? Everybody has their turn nice and proper, that way the traffic remains smooth and doesn't get clogged up like some sanitary pad filled toilet bowl.
So there I was, on my way to work, with the CD by Israel Houston blasting through my speakers, patiently awaiting my turn. Suddenly, I noticed that there was this little red object beside me, inching annoyingly forward. Turning to my right, I caught sight of a pale-faced lady, very thin, hook nose, looks like a witch, the works. This pale-faced, thin, hook-nosed, witch-like lady (phew...that's a mouthful. I think I'll just shorten it to PAFTHOW) ignored me and continued to inch her car forward in violent lurches, adamantly making sure that I did not get to take MY RIGHTFUL TURN!
The Duel
Everytime the car in front moved forward and I put on my signal light indicating that I want to merge into the lane, PAFTHOW would come roaring from behind, screeching to a stop a few milimeters from the bumper of the car in front. What the??!!
Annoyed, I tried to squeeze my way through, using a combination of poor clutch-play and mashing of the accelerator in an atempt to make my car lurch back and forth.
Lurching cars are scary alright.
Our side mirrors came within touching distance. Her car was literally inches from mine. I could see every single pock-mark on her scarred, weather beaten face. My lips curled up into a tense smile. I griped my steering wheel tightly, my knuckles turning white in the process.
A bead of sweat formed across my brow and trickled down.
My heart raced...up ahead, I could see the traffic beginning to move forward again.
Now was my chance!
Using my devastating skill, I expertly balanced my car at 3500rpm. My whole vehicle was pumped and primed, ready to POUNCE! Like a Tiger!!
NO way was PAFTHOW gonna get ahead of me. Never!
The car in front of us moved. Both of our cars raced forward, trying to close up the newly opened gap. Side mirror to side mirror, door to door, wheel to wheel. It was heart pumping stuff!
She is Good!
In spite of my heroics, it didn't work. PAFTHOW must have nerves of steel. Either that or she has loads of experience cutting people off on busy, packed roads. She expertly positioned her car slightly on the outer side of the road, before swooping in once she had a few inches of space to spare.
In this game of chicken, I backed down. No way I was gonna risk getting my car dented just to prove a point to PAFTHOW.
Crest-fallen, I backed away. Letting her go ahead of me. My ego was in ruins, my heart laid in tatters before me. Oh the humiliation!! The agony of defeat!!
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!
You'll have to excuse me for now. I need to find a place where I can cower in a corner and lick my wounds.
Labels: Automotive
posted by Bernard Yong at 9:10 AM
8 Comments:
She is just a poor little lady.... Just let her be la..... Macho man always be gentle to the ladies... ;)
She is NOT a poor little lady lah. She is evil! EVIL I TELL YA!!
Hazel: Hahah, sounds like ur encounter is worst than mine. Btw, congrats on your new job! Fill me in on the details the next time we meet =)
you're not a poor little lady too, are you, anonymous no. 1? ;)
Man, pride is more important than your car!! Now u carry the stench of defeat around... the PAFTwhatever will smell you out together with her husband.. and they'll laugh at you while u hang ur head in shame. Haha.. redeem urself mate!! Hieyeah!
hahaa... me? of course i am not...... :P , as what Hitz.FM always said.. Malaysian, we are polite at home.. but when we are on the road......... OIII... TEPI LARR .. LETAK LAR SIGNAL OIII!!!
You listen to HITZ FM?.. ;)..no wonder ! .. with the kind of music they play, you'll feel like hitting everyone who drives near you. HIT the brakes..HIT HIT HITz =)
I listen to Light and Easy..hahaha :D
I can't stand Hitz FM. It has got to be one of the most annoying radio stations out there.
I now stick to my CDs. Local radio sucks...hahahah. When will we have digital radio in Malaysia ar?..haihhh.
Ehhh, to all the anonymous', please post your name ler. Anonymous comments scare me! :S
Bernard, i am No 001. Post the name, you not gonna know who i am also. Seems like we are flooding your blog. :)
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