Monday, June 26, 2006

New Sicknesses Discovered by Malaysian Scientists

Bird flu eat yer heart out

The Malaysian Ministry of Health is now asking the public to be on the lookout for symptoms of the following new contagious diseases.

ASSMA
Severe rashes around the mouth caused by kissing too much ass. The number-one disease in Malaysia amongst civil servants.

DIALARRHOEA
Uncontrollable urge to continually dial friends on mobile phone to share with them such important information as "I'm now on the monorail" or "I'm walking towards the car." Victims can be recognized by large,
twitching thumb.

MEESLES
Blotchy skin condition caused by eating too many packets of instant noodles.

MULTIPLE SPOUSOSIS
Affliction whereby victims make frequent trips to Vietnam, Thailand,Indonesia, and China to take on additional brides. Middle-aged men are at significant risk.

YELLOW FEVER
Compulsion to date Asian females. Very common affliction amongst foreign celebrities and caucasian expatriates working in Malaysia. Also known as Pinkerton's Disease.

EKOR-TOTONUS
Flushed complexion, high blood pressure and sometimes depression at finding out one has not won any gaming numbers and lotteries.

HEAVYTITIS
Excessively large breasts. This disease comes in several variant strains........ Heavytitis A; Heavytitis B; Heavytitis C, andsometimes Heavytitis DD.

CYBERTENSION
Feelings of stress and panic caused by lack of internet access.

DYEBETES
A compulsive need to colour one's hair. Reddish brown tints are the most common symptom, but health authorities have reported a new strain of blond highlights.

CHICKEN TOX
Victims exhibit a great need to talk ****. Highly contagious. Spread by ordinary conversation, and may be exacerbated by good food and alcohol. Politicians and lawyers are especially susceptible. Incurable.

6 Comments:

Anonymous pelf said...

This is hilarious!! :))

7:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hahaha.. :D Oh this is Anon no. 2.

10:40 AM  
Blogger Bernard Yong said...

Anon? Sounds egyptian...hahah

pelf: Glad you like the post. Truth be told though, I wasn't the one who came up with it. I found it online, pretty good shite tho :)

11:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No 3.. ya.. this is a good one!..
Hey, come out with more, y don you?...

Nothing about the FIFA?

4:03 PM  
Blogger Bernice said...

Heavytitis A is a complete contradiction. Big boobs with an A cup? Strange...

8:59 PM  
Blogger Bernard Yong said...

Good...ermm...point

8:41 AM  

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