Tuesday, July 25, 2006

A Weirdo By Any Other Name....

Crazy-arsed nipple freak

Argghhh....I can just about picture a fat, balding, middle-aged guy reading my blog while twiddling with his hopelessly flaccid nipples. Who searches for these kinds of stuff?? Yeesh.

Anyway, just so that all the flaccid-nippled people don't get disappointed when they stumble upon my blog in their search for nipple-viagra, I'm going to post, what I believe are, effective ways to make your nipple....*ahem*...protrude.

See? I'm so friggin kind to my readers its unbelievable.

Bernard's nipple protrusion techniques:

Before we start, just let me clarify that I've never tried any of these techniques before, nor do I have even the slightest interest in doing so. They are merely hypothetical techniques lah. They may work, they may not. Why not you try them and then tell me, smarty-pants :P
  • Take said flaccid nipples and gyrate them against 2 ice-cubes in a circular, counter-clockwise motion, while track 5 of the BeeGees greatest hits plays in the background
  • Get a kind friend to grab your nipples in a vice-like grip while forcing you to whistle Negaraku in the key of C#
  • Go to a plastic surgeon and ask him/her to implat itty-bits of silicone in yer nips
  • Make a vow to hang horizontally face-down for the next decade. Hopefully gravity will do its thang on your man titties
  • Use styling gel while wet, and slowly shape and sculpt it into desired shape
Hmm...that's about it actually. If you guys can think of somemore, please do a favor to all the poor people suffering from nipple erectile dysfunction and post them here.

Thank you.


Anonymous nicktay said...

Haha...To each his own i guess :P

9:04 PM  
Blogger Bernard Yong said...

Was it you Nick?

9:38 AM  

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