A Weirdo By Any Other Name....

Crazy-arsed nipple freak



Argghhh....I can just about picture a fat, balding, middle-aged guy reading my blog while twiddling with his hopelessly flaccid nipples. Who searches for these kinds of stuff?? Yeesh.

Anyway, just so that all the flaccid-nippled people don't get disappointed when they stumble upon my blog in their search for nipple-viagra, I'm going to post, what I believe are, effective ways to make your nipple....*ahem*...protrude.

See? I'm so friggin kind to my readers its unbelievable.

Bernard's nipple protrusion techniques:

Before we start, just let me clarify that I've never tried any of these techniques before, nor do I have even the slightest interest in doing so. They are merely hypothetical techniques lah. They may work, they may not. Why not you try them and then tell me, smarty-pants :P

• Take said flaccid nipples and gyrate them against 2 ice-cubes in a circular, counter-clockwise motion, while track 5 of the BeeGees greatest hits plays in the background
  
• Get a kind friend to grab your nipples in a vice-like grip while forcing you to whistle Negaraku in the key of C#
• Go to a plastic surgeon and ask him/her to implat itty-bits of silicone in yer nips
• Make a vow to hang horizontally face-down for the next decade. Hopefully gravity will do its thang on your man titties
• Use styling gel while wet, and slowly shape and sculpt it into desired shape

Hmm...that's about it actually. If you guys can think of somemore, please do a favor to all the poor people suffering from nipple erectile dysfunction and post them here.

Thank you.