Monday, June 11, 2007

Become a Malay in 3 Easy Steps

Begitu senang sahaja!

We all know that our politicians tend to spout silly things. You don't have to look further than the Dewan Rakyat pages of our local dailies to get a taste of the pearls of wisdom that these 'intellectuals' have a habit of coughing up.

However, they always still manage to find ways now and then to surpass even your lowest expectations. Case in point, the Malacca Chief Minister Datuk Seri Haji Mohd Ali Rustam (phew...what a mouthful!). This bright fellow said recently that it is easy to become a Malay. Yup, easy. Apparently, he must be under the impression that there are loads of people out there who want to turn away from their original race to become Malays, but I digress.

He waffled on ...
"A person who is a Muslim, converses in Malay and follows the Malay traditions is considered a Malay"
Ermm....okay. Brilliant huh. Now EVERYONE can be a Malay, whether they are aware of it or not! I don't know about you, but since when did the word Malay change from denoting a race to a word you use to describe a category of people and their actions?
"Even if that person is Chinese or Indian or Kadazan, if they are Muslim or have converted, converse in Malay and follow the Malay tradition, then they are Malays."
By this MBs brilliant logic, everyone can be Chinese as well. All you have to do using chopsticks, play with Pop-Pop during Chinese New Year, use the word KNN CCB at least once a day, and spend at least an hour a week watching Astro Wah Lau Toi.

So simple hor. Then if you get sick of being a Chinese, all you have to do is change channels to Astro Vaanavil, eat loads of mutton rendang.... and voila! Instant Indian!

Become Bernard Yong in 3 easy steps!

Actually, I take back what I said. Maybe it's not sheer stupidity. This MB could be a bona fide genius!

Look at it this way, I am sure we have, at one point or another, wondered what it'll be like to be...say, David Beckham, or Angelina Jolie or something. Now, such dreams can be a reality using Mr MBs oh-so-simple logic!

Now for those of you who've always wondered what it's like to be me (nil, apparently), wonder no more! All you have to do to become Bernard Yong is:

1) Have a blog but update it only once every blue moon

2) Eat tons of haw flakes and dried pork meat aka long yuk

3) Watch Lion Kings 20 times

Easy peasy :)



Anonymous chloe said...

whoa... then there'll be a slew of problems with id. our races are printed on our ICs! i think he'll be the same genius to come up with a solution to this problem then...

dang! i need to rewind lion kind 16 more times before i can be bernard yong.

10:05 AM  
Blogger Dzof said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

2:59 PM  
Blogger Dzof said...

This line of argument presumably stems from the definition of Malay in the Federal Constitution. It states that: "Malay" means a person who professes the religion of Islam, habitually speaks the Malay language, and conforms to Malay custom. (They also have to be born in the right place at the right time - see Article 60 of the Malaysian Federal Constitution for the full details.)

Unsurprisingly, there is no definition of 'Chinese' in the Constitution...

3:08 PM  
Blogger Dzof said...

(Sorry, I meant article 160!)

3:09 PM  
Anonymous Babi Melayu said...

Melayu cemerlang, gemilang dan terbilang ! Dan dengan ini sudah cukup untuk menjadi orang Melayu.

9:36 PM  
Blogger Samuel said...

Wow, in the Constitution no less kakaka!! Oh well, seems like he's not speaking utter nonsense that he made up after all.

So, the next time we want to get discounts, we know what to do. ;p

4:04 PM  
Blogger Bernard Yong said...

dzof: I find it quite amusing that they need to spell out in such detail the meaning of 'Malay' :) Thanks for the info man!

babi melayu: Actually my post wasn't meant to be racist in anyway. I have nothing against Malays :) I just think that the MBs comments are quite stupid, even if he said that it was easy to become any other race, it'll still be just as

samuel: Wrong dude, the discounts are for bumiputras, not 'Malays'. We may be able to become 'Malays' in 3 easy steps, but we can never become bumiputras...hahaha, not tat I'm complaining ;)

5:52 PM  
Blogger F.O.N @ frostee said...

You watch Lion King THAT many times eh?


3:59 PM  
Anonymous Rodrigo said...

Oi, achei teu blog pelo google tá bem interessante gostei desse post. Quando der dá uma passada pelo meu blog, é sobre camisetas personalizadas, mostra passo a passo como criar uma camiseta personalizada bem maneira. Até mais.

5:00 AM  

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