Monday, June 11, 2007

Become a Malay in 3 Easy Steps

Begitu senang sahaja!

We all know that our politicians tend to spout silly things. You don't have to look further than the Dewan Rakyat pages of our local dailies to get a taste of the pearls of wisdom that these 'intellectuals' have a habit of coughing up.

However, they always still manage to find ways now and then to surpass even your lowest expectations. Case in point, the Malacca Chief Minister Datuk Seri Haji Mohd Ali Rustam (phew...what a mouthful!). This bright fellow said recently that it is easy to become a Malay. Yup, easy. Apparently, he must be under the impression that there are loads of people out there who want to turn away from their original race to become Malays, but I digress.

He waffled on ...
"A person who is a Muslim, converses in Malay and follows the Malay traditions is considered a Malay"
Ermm....okay. Brilliant huh. Now EVERYONE can be a Malay, whether they are aware of it or not! I don't know about you, but since when did the word Malay change from denoting a race to a word you use to describe a category of people and their actions?
"Even if that person is Chinese or Indian or Kadazan, if they are Muslim or have converted, converse in Malay and follow the Malay tradition, then they are Malays."
By this MBs brilliant logic, everyone can be Chinese as well. All you have to do using chopsticks, play with Pop-Pop during Chinese New Year, use the word KNN CCB at least once a day, and spend at least an hour a week watching Astro Wah Lau Toi.

So simple hor. Then if you get sick of being a Chinese, all you have to do is change channels to Astro Vaanavil, eat loads of mutton rendang.... and voila! Instant Indian!

Become Bernard Yong in 3 easy steps!

Actually, I take back what I said. Maybe it's not sheer stupidity. This MB could be a bona fide genius!

Look at it this way, I am sure we have, at one point or another, wondered what it'll be like to be...say, David Beckham, or Angelina Jolie or something. Now, such dreams can be a reality using Mr MBs oh-so-simple logic!

Now for those of you who've always wondered what it's like to be me (nil, apparently), wonder no more! All you have to do to become Bernard Yong is:

1) Have a blog but update it only once every blue moon

2) Eat tons of haw flakes and dried pork meat aka long yuk

3) Watch Lion Kings 20 times

Easy peasy :)