Thursday, December 28, 2006

Blasted Thieves!

Mother never teach ah??!

Somebody stole my phone from my office and I suspect it's those blasted air-con repairmen. My poor Atom, I hardly had it for more than 3 months and now it has been cruelly taken from me!

All I did was leave it on my desk while I went to my boss' room for a short meeting. I should have known better than to leave stuff lying around while there were outsiders walking about in the office. Those @%#$@$!! Why couldn't they have swiped my crappy old Samsung instead? Besides the fact that it is probably worth less than the box it came in by now, it still looks ok whut. Picky thieves....*grumble*

I hereby lay a hex on the thief who had the nerve to steal my phone. May his testes develop a severe case of gangrene and drop off into a mushy pile of rotting, gooey flesh as a result of what he did! May his kukuciau shrivel up to the size of a dried chili padi with tufts of pubic hair sprouting out from his sore covered lan tau! May he get sodomized by a pack of rabies-infected dogs while he is on his way to the hand-phone shop to fence his stolen booty! While running away from the pack of horny dogs, may he get run over by an Alam Flora truck driven by a man named Ali!

That'll teach him.


Thursday, December 21, 2006

Silver Linings

I was driving home after work yesterday when I glanced in the rear view mirror and saw something glittery sticking out from my head at an awkward. Upon closer inspection, I realized that it was a strand of white hair. A STRAND OF WHITE HAIR!!

There it was, standing tall and proud like some sort of white flag of surrender. I can't believe it. I've never had any white hair before. All my life, my hair has always been nice and black - well, black at least. I can just about feel the heavy weight of age creeping up upon my shoulders and no amount of shrugging is going to throw it off.

I tried to ignore it but I could see it out of the corner of my eye, fluttering about wildly in the breeze of my car's air-con, and it was driving me mad.

With one hand on the steering wheel and one eye on the road, I tried to grab the little sucker and yank it out. It isn't easy I tell you. After several close brushes with the kerb, a lamp post, and a bus driven by an irate little man, I finally won the battle against the aforementioned follicle and extricated it from my scalp.

Holding it triumphantly above me like some sort of prize, I felt the thrilling rush of victory. One point for me, nil points for the Grim Reaper of atrophy. Giving the rest of my head a brief once over, I breathed a sigh of relief when I realised that it was only this one hair which decided to become a traitor and turn silver. A lone ranger.

But still, I know that this was probably just an advance scout. The main army surely can't be far behind.

That's scary.

Time to batten down the hatches.


Tuesday, December 19, 2006

December Babies

2 of my good friends - Daniel and Yi Yin - recently celebrated their birthdays. As what is befitting such a glorious occasion, a group of us gathered together, sang a horrendously out-of-tune rendition of 'Happy Birthday', threw stupid jokes at one another, indulged in an incessant stream of inane banter, and generally had a good ol' time just doing what friends do.

Below are some shots taken from those 2 nights.

(above: The Birthday boy Dan-The-Man clutching his birthday booty)

(above: Even in a upmarket place such as Mont Kiara, street prostitution was still rampant)

(above: This is Santa Claus post-Atkins)


Monday, December 18, 2006

Kelantan Encourages Homosexual Behavior

Boogey Wonderland

When I read that the Kelantan government has decided to allow clubs to be opened for tourists and non-muslims, I thought to myself.."Hmm...maybe those PAS-folks are beginning to gain some common sense after all"

I should have known it was too good to be true though.

According to Kelantan's Menteri Besar, the kind of club (or in his words, a 'disco') he envisioned was one where men boogied with other men. Yup, you heard me right. All the gays of the world rejoice! Kelantan has officially stated (unintentionally) that it's vision for the year 2007 is to be a state where people can listen freely to the Village People and do YMCA-style dance moves all night long.

The thought of a a mens only club where guys go to dance with other guys must probably send shivers of joy and excitement down the spines of all the PAS members and ministers.

Now I know what they do behind all those closed door meetings. I once thought that they were busy debating issues of national importance (such as whether women are allowed to have names, or should they all just be called 'awek'), but noooo...they are probably busy dirty dancing with one another.

Well to all PAS members, don't worry. With these mens-only clubs, you no longer have to be ashamed! Your penchant for boogeying with old senior assemblymen need no longer be confined to boring old meeting rooms and conference halls. Now you can bring your Menteri Besar, Ministers and Datos to the nearest disco and watch them shake their thang'.

Oh joy, I can't wait!


Thursday, December 14, 2006

Package Me Up Scotty

Nice or not my packaging?

After operating for a few months and with business picking up, I've decided to beautify the packaging of 3riplets' products a little bit. Using me and my partner's combined creative and artistic flair, we spent many hours painstakingly coming up with the design you see above.

Be amazed at how neatly the brown paper envelope is folded! Ogle at the calligraphy's quality! Marvel at the sheer symmetry of the 3 cellophane tapes running down the front!

Woo hoo, it's a thing of beauty!

*ahem*...Ok lah, I'm talking crap here.

The package looks exactly the same, EXCEPT...and this is a big 'except'.....

..for the cool rubber-stamped logo. Isn't it just bloody fantabulous?

It all started one day, when me and my friend sat down and talked about how we can improve the 'professionalism' of 3riplets (which btw, is our online apparel trading biz). Of course, with every grand plan, a budget has to be allocated. Due to the fact that we are both tightwads, we decided to pump in a grand total of 15 bucks for the 'Project Meng-professional-kan 3riplets'.

Needless to say, 15 bucks can't get you much BUT it can buy you a pretty nifty little rubber stamp. So with a ten and five ringgit bill clasped in our hands, we approached a nearby printing shop and gave them our requirements.

Us : "We want a rubber stamp"

Shop owner: "Cannnn"

Us: "Must got the word 3riplets wan"

Shop owner: "Cannnn"

Us: "Must be big and nice"

Shop owner: "Cannnn"

Us: "Must be around 15 bucks"

Shop owner: "!%@$@#%...kiamsiap ka xi!" (translation: stingy until can die)

It went something along those lines. Anyway, to cut a long (and boring story short), we collected the stamp after a day, brought it home and carefully removed it from its plastic prison.

Gingerly placed it on the ink pad...

..pressed it on our paper bag..

...and voila, 15 bucks of professionalism for our dear customers.

Who said running a business requires a lot of money? =)

Friday, December 08, 2006


Okiku @ KLPAC

My girlfriend is involved in an upcoming play titled 'Okiku'. This play is based on a classic Japanese ghost story. The story behind this is about some perverted Samurai who blackmails a maid in his house into becoming his mistress by framing her for the theft of some valuable plates, or something like that. The maid in turn, throws herself into a well in desperation and...ermm..basically dies.

Wait, that's now how it ends. The good part is when she returns as a ghost and haunts the perverted samurai every single night till he goes insane. I can so picture my girlfriend as a vengeful, crazy, wailing-in-the-middle-of-the-night ghost! I think she'll be superb at it...hahahah.

For a proper description of the story of Okiku, head on over to here. In the mean time, here are some posters to whet your appetite.

Monday, December 04, 2006

Weekly Bernard News

I realized I haven’t been posting for more than a week now. So I thought I’ll just compile all the highlights of my past week into one post and fashion it after a news segment ala Bernard. How brilliant is that?


26 NOV – 1 DEC 2006: The author spent most of his time under house arrest due to the financial crunch which came about as a result of 2 months spent bumming around. Savings were at an all time low, unemployment was at 100%.

Visited a few bars with friends and mooched off their bottles. The author recorded no outflow of capital from his treasury reserves. Venture was a complete success.


2 DEC 2006: The author went for an MCA Whitewater Rafting and Abseiling Trip to Gopeng Perak, courtesy of the Under-35 MCA Division and Datuk Lee Hwa Beng.

Members paid good money to sit in small, rubber boats while charging towards large menacing rocks. The author suffered an off-boat excursion due to a particularly large and nasty drop. Due to the author’s hardy frame and ultra-muscular build, no injuries were sustained.

The crowd cheered and clapped wildly as the author heroically hoisted himself back onto the boat with one hand, while the other hand fought off an angry 25 foot crocodile.

Author was awarded a gold medal for bravery.


3 DEC 2006: Janice Yap participated in the annual MRSC Song Writing Competition and walked away with a medal for 2nd runners up.

The event was a great success and it managed to attract top talent from throughout Malaysia.

During the event, the author put to rest the oft-asked question “What is the maximum number of SMS you can send in an hour?” The answer - five hundred and eighty five.


4 DEC 2006: Work commenced, and the day was spent familiarizing self with company operations, goals and strategies. Bidding farewell to cubicle-dom, the author finally got his own office. Spirits were high, mood was jovial.

Spent the rest of the day thinking of ways to decorate the office.

Decided that whiteboards were tacky and crossed it out from the ‘list-of-things-to-hang-on-the-wall’.

A sponge-board will look much nicer!

The End.