The difference between Schumacher and me is....
Yesterday, I got into the stupidest accident of my life...EVER!. It's not even the kind you can brag about. You know those type of accidents lah...they usually sound something like this:
Brag-able accident scenario 1: "I was travelling at 250kmh when my car suddenly aqua-planned and made ten full 360 degree spins before coming to a halt, inches away from a 2,000 foot drop into vast nothing-ness"
Brag-able accident scenario 2: "I was performing a full-on, maximum opposite lock, tyre screeching drift down a winding mountain road when a cute little rabbit ran into my path, and being the kind soul that I am, I decided to drive into the divider just so that the lil' rabbit can continue living and indulging in loads of bunny-rabbit lovin with his harem of bunnies"
Brag-able accident scenario 3: "I was approaching the first corner of Sepang at around 300kmh when an overzealous back-marker caused me to stray off the racing line and into the sand trap"
Alright, that last scenario may be something only an F1 driver can lay claim to, but you get my drift. These kind of accidents are nothing to be shameful about. They are the type you'd willingly tell at any gathering of friends in order to impress the girls. Of course, the exact details may change depending on how many pints of beers you've downed, but the underlying, fundamental nature of the accident is something which you like to print out and frame it on your wall, next to a pic of your first-born.
Me on the other hand
My accident was slightly different. It involved me, my car, and a wall. You see, I have this strange fetish which I feel I have to admit to you dear readers. I like making my tyres squeal when I'm in a car park.
You know how your car's tyres go 'EeeEeEEeEee, eeEEEeEEee...EEeEEeeEEe' whenever you make a turn in a car park with cement floors? Well, to some that may be pure noise, but to me it's the equivalent of Strauss' Blue Danube. I love it!
Oh yeahh you dirty tyres, squeal for me...you like that don't you? Squeeeeeal for daddy, uh uh uhhhhh
*ahem* Okay, sorry. I got carried away.
Anywayyyyyy, my point is, I like squealing tyres. This, coupled with the fact that two days ago, as I was driving up the car park ramp in my office building, the floor was wet and slippery as it had just rained shitloads of cats and dogs a few minutes ago.
Are you beginning to see where I'm going?
It was at one particular car park ramp, where I had this brilliant idea of flooring the accelerator a bit and indulging in some squealing fun. Well, this 'brilliant' idea, plus the fact that the floor was slippery as hell, caused me to understeer like a nose-heavy tractor with jello for tyres. To those who are not motorheads, understeer
basically happens when your front tyre loses grip, and your steering input has no influence on the direction your car is moving.
Now the difference between Schumacher and me is this. If it were Schumacher, he'd probably apply a little left-foot braking, causing the weight to transfer to the front of the car, and thus increasing the grip of the front tyres and smoothly sailing up the ramp.
Me on the other hand, just sat there like an idiot as my car missed the ramp entirely and plowed head-first into the neighbouring concrete wall. Mind you, I was travelling at a mind-boggling speed of about 10kmh. Not enough to cause serious damage to my car, but enough to crack my bumper, smash my headlamps, and leave a trail of nice, squiggly lines along the wall (For those of you who park in Plaza Mont Kiara, look out for my 'mark' at level 2 of Block C).At least I didn't.....errmmm... hurt myself...or something
So there you have it. Stupid idea + wet floor + no Schumacher = Saturday with no car + wallet lighter by around 700 bucks + shattered ego.