Wednesday, March 30, 2005

I Am The Godfather

I have a life. I have friends. I have activities to undertake, places to go and 'studying' sessions to attend. Why, I've even made plans to go watch several live band performances in some of the bistros dotted around KL this weekend, followed by a visit to a local night spot in an attempt to finish off the remaining contents of a Chivas bottle I have lying around. Basically, I've got my whole social life all sorted out. Or so I thought, until I received that Call.

That life changing call took place sometime late last night. When the sky was dark, with nary a light but from the beams bequeathed upon us by our interstellar neighbour.

It started out like just any other call between a guy and his girlfriend. Little did I know what she had in store for me.

We were just chatting and sharing, when she suddenly whispered the words which were to have such a profound impact on my barren, mortal life.

In a sinister voice (think Marlon Brando from The Godfather), she said.....

"I purchased an entire boxed set of HBO's award winning 'The Sopranos' from
seasons 1 to 5"
This was followed by several heart stopping moments of her maniacal laughter.

I shivered.....

Beads of sweat formed on my brow and began making their way, drop by drop, down my cheek. Carving an intricate path of descent upon my face.

She knew....

She knew I was powerless to resist. It wasnt only me though. NO man on earth could resist the allure of countless hours of Sopranos indulgement. Hedonism at its most extreme.

But I stood firm....not for one second did I give in to the apparently overwhelming might of the 'Sopranos'.

However, I was severely weakened. After all, I am but just flesh and blood. Susceptible to the inveiglements of life.

Sensing my diminished state of being, my girlfriend finally decided to deal the killer blow. To finish me off.

She planned this all along.

She knew that if by some miracle I manage to withstand her first 'assault', this second one would surely bring about the end of my futile resistance.

I could sense her smiling even over the telephone. I could hear it in her voice. Her exact sentence eludes me, but in my hazy-state-of-mind, I managed to capture the following words.

"Purchased....boxed set.... F.R.I.E.N.D.S ...seasons 1 to 10"

I have been vanquished.

My weekends and social life as I know it are over.

See you in a years time.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Tectonic Tango and the End Times

It came in the dark of the night. I was jostled from my sleep by a call from a relative who had to be evacuated from his high-rise premise. Tremors were felt throughout the Klang Valley. It seems like another earthquake, this time measuring 8.5 on the Richter scale, has hit the coasts of Sumatra, with the resultant aftershocks being felt deep into the west coast of Malaysia. Surreal.

With the tectonic plates grinding, rubbing and sidling up against one another in a cosmic equivalent of a lap dance, one can’t help but recall a certain passage in the bible which touches on the end times. The passage says, and I paraphrase, that the end times will be preceded by earthquakes, wars, and threats of war.

I recall hearing about the Kobe earthquake back in 1995. Little did I know that within a decade, this would be superceded by the 2003 earthquake in Bam and the one in December 2004 which was responsible for the killer tsunamis. Some people are of the opinion that we are living in a time of unprecedented seismic activities. I would have to agree. Not only have earthquakes increased in frequency year on year, but in their intensity as well. Research has shown that there were approximately 600 earthquakes measuring 6.0 and above on the Richter scale throughout the 80’s. Compare this to the approximately 793 earthquakes of the same magnitude during the 90’s.

As for wars and the threats of war, the situations in the Middle East, the Taiwan Straits & North Korea don’t give much cause for optimism. Kim Jong Il is still busy at his deadly game of nuclear brinksmanship, the US is at odds with Iran over its alleged nuclear ambitions, and China is militarily posturing itself against Taiwan in the face of renewed calls for independence within the province. Also, not to forget the rising tension between Malaysia and Indonesia over disputed reserves of oil. Deadly.

What does this mean for you and me? For one, these events serve to remind us of the sense of urgency with regards to the end times which was conveyed through the Bible. It is time for us to take our eyes off the incessant, dogged pursuit of material wealth and to focus on what really matters, to gaze upon our circumstances through the eyes of eternity.

“Go ye there forth and make disciples of all nations. Baptizing them in the name
of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit”

The years ahead of us will be anything but dull.

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Proton Sucks!

GEN2 Racing 003, originally uploaded by shutupyourface.

Ok, I admit the picture above looks pretty good. BUT that doesnt detract from the fact that Proton is really a whole load of bollocks.

Why the sudden criticism of Proton?

I decided to vent my frustrations and views onProton after reading an article on the company in The Star's business section a few days back. In that article, Proton's incompetent CEO (Tengku Mahaleel aka Numbnuts) had the NERVE to ask the Government for more 'fairness and understanding' with regards to the drafting of a new motor vehicle policy.

Translation: "We want to be protected for a many more gazillion years so that we can continue ripping off the Malaysian public with crappily produced products which have a tendency to either burst into flames, or have bits of it fall off regularly"


Shown below is the actual quote taken from dear Mahaleel:

PROTON Holdings Bhd is seeking "fairness and understanding'' from theGovernment on a new motor vehicle policy to be announced as early as June, said group chief executive officer Tengku Tan Sri Mahaleel Tengku Ariff.

"What we seek is for the Government to understand that we have just started running, and that we need time to become the 100-metre world champion,'' Mahaleel, said in his speech at the launch of a series of commemorative stamps on Proton's GEN.2 in Putrajaya yesterday.

Waddaya mean 'just started running'??? You have been in operation for 20 stinking years for crying out loud!! After all this time and all the protection our government has offered (at the expense of us tax payers I might add), what do you have to show for it? Nothing!! Heck, Proton cant even equip their cars with PROPER power windows. And by PROPER I mean 'lasts-longer-than-2-months'.

C'mon, even the power windows on my mother's old 1988 toyota have never broken down. Are you trying to tell me Proton cant even replicate engineering feats from the 80's?

Dont get me wrong, I am not a free-trade stooge. I do believe that trade barriers and protectionist policies are able to bring about a whole lot of good if implemented wisely. Name me one country which have not benefited from protectionism one way or the other, and I'll show you a rattle-&-squeek-free-proton. I dare you.

What I AM against however (very much so), is Proton's blatant disregard for ANY form of advancements whatsoever in the 2 decades which it has benefited from our country's motor vehicle policies.

Compare the first proton saga which rolled off the production line to the newly launched Gen.2. You'll seriously be hard pressed to name ANY significant improvements which justify all the billions of dollars which have gone down into supporting the d#mn company. Sureee, the Gen.2 has a fancier interior and is more well-equipped, BUT the workmanship on it is just as, if not MORE, shoddy as that of our intrepid Saga.

I had the 'pleasure' of going for a drive in one of my friend's newly purchased Gen.2, and guess what?... the stinking doors couldnt be opened!! Yup, the DOORS COULDNT BE OPENED!!

Ok, I'm exaggerating a bit here. In reality, the doors could be opened but only after applying herculean effort in the yanking of em' flimsy door handles (which seemed to be on the verge of snapping).

I dont claim to be an automobile manufacturing expert and correct me if I'm wrong, but isnt it important for the owner of the car to be able to GET INTO the car in the first place? Hmmm, it boggles the mind.

I once upon a time, did root for Proton. I could relate to our former Prime Minister, Tun Mahathir's vision for Malaysia. I understood the importance of cultivating our nation's engineering expertise in the face of intense competition from countries such as China and India. I really did want to see Proton succeed and make us proud.

But after seeing just how 'much' Proton has 'improved' in the past 20 years, I dont think there's any more point left in flogging a dead horse. That's what Proton is in their current incarnation, dead. The company should seriously oust their current CEO, reelect a more competent and able board of directors, and seek to form mutually beneficial alliances or joint ventures with foreign car companies such as GM or Ford.

If they do decide to take such actions, Proton might well live to see its 30th birthday. Otherwise, there isnt going to be any light at the end of the long, dark tunnel they are trudging through.....

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Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Woes of Ferrari

Ferrari F1 car, originally uploaded by johnkuo.

A Ferrari F1 car being lapped by a Toyota, I never thought I'd live to see the day. For those of you who missed out on Malaysia's 2005 Grand Prix in Sepang, that is precisely what happened to numero dos Ferrari driver, Rubinho. I know, unbelievable.

Granted, I'm not a HUGE fan of Ferrari. I count myself more of a M.Schumacher die-hard but the sudden lapse in pace shown by the great F1 team sure is shocking (to those nutters who welcome the change, Ahhh... what do they know)

So please Ferrari, oh please, for the good of all that's pure and holy... get off yer rotund bottoms and quickly launch your 2005 F1 car so that my man Schumi can start kicking butt again!!


Monday, March 21, 2005

Making Love & Music

Velvet baby!, originally uploaded by boboroshi.

Its something I've been trying to do recently, with limited success. It definitely aint as easy as it looks, lemme tell you. Oh, the joy & agony!

There's a world of difference when you're doing it with other people as opposed to doing it yourself.

Getting used to the styles and techniques of different people sure takes awhile.....but in the end, when you manage to hit that special spot, boy, its definitely sweet!

Then there's that issue with 'tightness'. I think I speak for almost everyone when I say that I like it when 'it's' tight. Sometimes, things arent as tight as you would want it to be though, but with commitment and passion, these issues CAN be resolved!

Btw, I'm talking about Making Music! (What did you think??) What's with the title then? Well, its just a little something which I thought would get your attention and perhaps make you interested enough to read through my putrid posting...hahahah.

Me and my buddies recently formed a band (named surprise-surprise, 'Hodge-Podge'!) awhile ago to keep ourselves busy during the weekends. We've been working on a few songs so far (Word Up, Mad Season, She'll Be Loved to name a few), and who knows, we might post them up when they're done for your aural pleasure..Muaahhaha *evil laughter*.

PS: Guess who's that pictured above? With the funky hat, atomic hairdo, and hunched playing could only be Slash!! Pictured here jamming with his new band Velvet Revolver. Ahhh, the joys of distortion! Some day ......


Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Michael Jackson: Innocent or Guilty?

mjowner, originally uploaded by zigs.

You surely cant help but to have noticed the hoop-la and media coverage surrounding the alleged 'Trial of the Century' (which is no big deal considering this century just turned 5 a few months back).

Anyway, for the benefit of those of you who have been stuck in a cave for the past few months, here's the lowdown on what's happened thus far.

Michael Jackson gets litigated, again. He is being accused of committing all sorts of nefarious deeds, again. The accusing family threatens to sue his pants off (no pun intended), again. The various parties involved all wind up being interviewed on telly where they proceed to profess their innocence/ vent their accusations, bloody stinking again!!!

I know this is supposed to be the 'trial of the century', but it sure sounds a lot like the trial of that other century. Oh well...

Now time for me to get things straight. I for one, believe that Michael Jackson is innocent!

Why? Elementary my dear Watson (or whatever your name is) Firstly, nobody has ANY proof whatsoever that MJ did indeed commit those acts. No eye witnesses, no DNA evidence, no bits of MJ's jewelled glove stuck onto the boys balls. Nope, nada, nil.

Secondly, the family in question has a history of being a real arsey family which makes all sorts of false-accusations against, here's the good part, Mike Tyson, Jim Carrey and a gazillion other stars. Phew, talk about credibility down the stinking-crummy-tampon-clogged drain.

Thirdly, the fact that the family knew of MJ's previous accusations (which I believe were false), yet knowingly let their son spend huge amounts of time with the star just goes to show how moronic they are.

"Oooh, MJ has been accused of child molestation before. I think I'm gonna let me son frolic around his Neverland ranch coz frankly, I'm a dumb arse parent who cant make a single, honest buck!"


May justive prevail. I look forward to seeing you set free MJ.

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

The Naruto Way of Life

Naruto Group, originally uploaded by Bernard Yong.

I admit, I'm a huge fan of Naruto. I lay claim to this title based on the fact that I have:

- 2 Naruto key chains hanging from my guitar bag

- a variety of Naruto ring tones on my P900

- Naruto wallpapers on BOTH my home AND work PCs (Yup, I'm socially-challenged)

- and last but not least, I cant remember how many prime ministers my country has had but I can recite the origins of the Uchiha clan without batting an eye-lid.

I'd like to see all you Naruto fans try and top that! - and to all those people who have no idea what the heck I'm jabbering on about, head on to and be enlightened oh oppressed being!

PS: I think Naruto is a bloody cheat! If it wasnt for the power of Kyuubi, he'd be be beaten into a rancid pile of ramen by now.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Playstation and Old Geezers

Ok, hands up those of you who have played 'Leisure Suit Larry - Land of the Lounge Lizards' on the old IBM XT.

Hmm, I count a grand total of 3 raised hands...and one of them is of an elderly geezer with dentures, in a walker. Darn, I feel old.

Oh well, age aside, I'm truly grateful to have been around during the dawn of video and computer games (and all you diaper-wearing gamers, stop snickering at the back!!).

Back then, games could display a gob-smacking total of TWO colours on screen at once!...oooooh! (to the unintiated, those colours were black and white, duh!). I mean, just compare that to the games nowadays with their gazillions of colours, and their fancy-schmancy lighting effects, physics engines and what-not. Its enough to make an old geezer weep for joy.

Us videogamer are a lucky lot, seriously. Where we previously had to contend with the above mentioned crappy colour pallete, blocky graphics and text-based inputs (yup, the GUI wasnt invented back then)....we now have the luxury of sooper-dooper high-res graphics, 5.1 surround sound, and high-tech gaming machines which can mow our lawns, fetch our newspapers and make us breakfast while at it (did I mention they can be used to play games too?).

BUTTTTTT, I still hear rumblings of discontent amongst the gaming masses. True, we have it pretty good; but we want MORE!! We want a machine which is part supercomputer, part gaming machine, part paper weight, part Angelina Jolie. A machine which can be used to electronically guide ballistic missiles across the Pacific Ocean (or to be more specific, according to rumous about Saddam Hussein using PS2's to power his arsenal of missles; across the friggin' ocean right smack-dab centre into the US of A).

To all of you power-hungry maniacs, let me just utter the 2 words which are guaranteed to send any gaming nerd into an orgasmic bliss.

"Playstation Three"

Enough said, let the wait begin....