Broken Bridges

Spot anyone familiar?

My friends and regular readers will recognise my girlfriend's face there, but for those of you who don't know who she is, I'll give you a hint. She's the one holding the fan.

Yup, that's my beloved...

I have a fetish for aunties...



Just in case some of you take me seriously and think that I'm some sick perv, I better just make it clear that I was merely kidding. My gf is the one hugging the chubby guy with the tie.

So click on the picture for more details on the show. It's gonna start showing in the middle of August so do show your support :)

My Second Life

Who needs a life when you've got this?



After reading so much about Second Life in the papers and magazines, I decided to give it a go.... again.

I say again because this is not my first time signing up for it. The first time I did was more than a year ago, when I didn't have my own laptop and instead had to rely on my company's crappy Fujitsu. Needless to say, it isn't very fun exploring a virtual world when your PC only has a measly 256MB or ram and no standalone graphics card. When I first logged in, it seemed like all the citizens of Second Life suffered from parkinsons or something. It was bloody jerky. No fun at all.



After a grand total of 10 minutes, I gave up. It was pure frustration I tell you. Trying to get my jerking, shuddering avatar to move about was like trying to wrestle a drunken sumo wrestler. Not to say the connection speed I had was bad though (I was using my office's connection, coz my home still relied on *cough* dial-up). The PC I was using just couldn't cope with anything more advanced than Pac-Man-like graphics.



A year on...

Anyway, that was then. A year on, I have a laptop which isn't crap, and I finally have broadband at home. Time to give it another go.



For the benefit of those of you who still rely on the abacus to do your sums, let me give a brief introduction on what the 'game' is all about. Second Life is more than a game actually. It is basically a virtual world, in which you can join, create a 3D avatar and begin roaming about.



You're given absolute freedom to do anything you want, become anything you want, and make friends with anyone you want. The game allows you to start virtual businesses, buy land, develop property, fly around the country side, create objects to populate the world and much more.

In fact, there are already a handful of people around the world who started businesses in Second Life and are now pulling in more than USD80,000 a year. There is this one guy who buys land in Second Life (yup, you are allowed to live out your Donald Trump fantasies. Minus the bad hair-piece of course), develops pretty looking houses and buildings on it, and sells them to other people in Second Life.



There is even the case of this female designer who sells her own range of 'Second Life Clothing' in the virtual world. Supposedly her stuff is selling like hot cakes, and she's raking in several thousand USD per month just by selling virtual clothing.

In fact, there are even virtual red light districts in the game. Woooh



Cool eh....and maybe a bit geeky. But anyway, it was enough to pique my interest.


Hmm...who shall I be?

As you can see from the screenshot below, my avatar's name is Bunchudai Hokkigai. Whatever that means, I have no idea. I just wanted something Asian sounding, hence my weird japanese-phillipino hybrid name.



Apparently, my online avatar has a terrible dress-sense...and he has such an oblong hairstyle. Ugghhh, the online me is nothing like the real-life me (I hope). Anyway, I didn't have much time to play around with it yet, but I think one of the first few things I definitely have to do is get my avatar some cool threads. And maybe a cool set of wheels...hahahha.

So if any of you are already in Second Life, look me up yeah.

My avatar is feeling kinda lonely....*sniff sniff*

A Weirdo By Any Other Name....

Crazy-arsed nipple freak



Argghhh....I can just about picture a fat, balding, middle-aged guy reading my blog while twiddling with his hopelessly flaccid nipples. Who searches for these kinds of stuff?? Yeesh.

Anyway, just so that all the flaccid-nippled people don't get disappointed when they stumble upon my blog in their search for nipple-viagra, I'm going to post, what I believe are, effective ways to make your nipple....*ahem*...protrude.

See? I'm so friggin kind to my readers its unbelievable.

Bernard's nipple protrusion techniques:

Before we start, just let me clarify that I've never tried any of these techniques before, nor do I have even the slightest interest in doing so. They are merely hypothetical techniques lah. They may work, they may not. Why not you try them and then tell me, smarty-pants :P

• Take said flaccid nipples and gyrate them against 2 ice-cubes in a circular, counter-clockwise motion, while track 5 of the BeeGees greatest hits plays in the background
  
• Get a kind friend to grab your nipples in a vice-like grip while forcing you to whistle Negaraku in the key of C#
• Go to a plastic surgeon and ask him/her to implat itty-bits of silicone in yer nips
• Make a vow to hang horizontally face-down for the next decade. Hopefully gravity will do its thang on your man titties
• Use styling gel while wet, and slowly shape and sculpt it into desired shape

Hmm...that's about it actually. If you guys can think of somemore, please do a favor to all the poor people suffering from nipple erectile dysfunction and post them here.

Thank you.

Movie Clip - Chinese Harassed at UPM

What's wrong with having a cultural night?

As many of you may well know, it was reported in the local Chinese Newspapers that the Chinese Student Association in UPM had their request to organize a cultural night rejected by the universities administrators. Although cultural nights by all races have been eagerly anticipated events for many years now, the administrative staff of UPM decided to take a different stand and bar the chinese. No good reasons were given.

I am not sure if this is related (some say yes, some say no, but I'll stay neutral), but here is a clip of some students who set up a student affairs booth in faculty 12 of UPM, where they were set upon and harassed by over 50 other students, which you will see in this video clip. In the ensuing commotion, a female reporters camera was confiscated, and several female Chinese students were pushed to the ground (according to the write-up attached to the video)

These events were not reported in our major newspapers.

Once again, our media has shown itself to be nothing more than puppets on a string. Unable to adequately highlight the gross injustices which are taking place on a daily basis. (Lemme see, what do have on our front page news? Amber Chia goes sky-diving, and Siti Nurhaliza and Datuk K. Wow, now THOSE are important national issues)

Let me make things clear though, I am NOT saying that this is a racial issue. I am not anti-Malay, or anti-Chinese, or anti-Indian or whatever. Even if the tables were turned, I would still be pissed because a large group of people ganging up on a few individuals is something no civilized nation should tolerate. Bullying and intimidation is something our government should put a stop to.

It's sad, really sad.

Wedding Bells are Ringing

Here comes the bride, all dressed in white..

Ahh, weddings. Don't you just love them? In fact, I think the only people who don't enjoy weddings are people who are above 40 and still single. The poor souls.

Anyway on Saturday, my friend Danny and Bridget oficially tied the knot. It's always so touching watching the union of 2 souls eh. At times like this, the chorus of the Spicegirls '2 Become 1' keeps playing in the back of my mind.

Scary, I know.











Alright, you may be wondering why there are so many photos of a baby and hardly any of the wedding. Well, I can't help it if baby Caitlin looks so much better in photos than 90% of my friends alright...hahahah. Okayyy, I'm kidding. My friends are gorgeous specimens...

...in their own right...

...I suppose...

...ermm, yeah.

Ok lah, just to prove that I DO have friends who are not wearing diapers, here are a few photos of us posing at the end of the night.

UPM Teaching Guide - Double Standards are Alive and Kicking in Malaysia

'It is a teaching guide, not an authorised textbook'

The above statement is enough to send any fair-minded, peace-loving Malaysian into an outraged frenzy.

What am I referring to? Well, if you've read the newspapers lately, you would have come across several reports about how an Ethnic Relations module in Universiti Putra Malaysia makes several totally unfounded, biased and racially discriminating statements about the Chinese and Indians in Malaysia. In this so-called 'teaching guide', which will be used as a teaching reference for hundreds of students in UPM I might add, one of the audacious claims they make is that the May 13 riots were instigated by the Chinese backed party, DAP.

Wait a second here, I thought that the May 13 riots were caused by millions of disgruntled people-of-a-certain-race-which-I-shall-not-mention (POACRWISNM) who were so incredibly sidelined and poverty-stricken (due to their own incompetence one might add) that they felt that violence was their only course of action? In fact, I recall stories told of how convoys of military trucks ferrying hundreds of barbaric POACRWISNM would swoop into the city and begin viciously attacking innocent bystanders - men, women and child alike.

Stories were told of how families would be forced to leave their homes in the dark of night because of these gross acts of violence. Of how innocent people were forced out of a cinema by these POACRWISNM and hacked to death in broad daylight. And all because of what? The colour of their skin.

Let me repeat myself, 'a vicious, premeditated attack by the hapless and hopeless POACRWISNM in our country on other innocent people!' And the author of this so-called 'teaching guide' has the gall to blame it on the DAP?

How in the world DAP fits into this picture, I have no idea. They weren't the ones weilding the machetes which were used to shed so much blood on that fateful day in our country's history. Also, the DAP was not the political party which benefited so handsomely from the violence and upheaval.

In the face of mounting protests by all fair-minded Malaysians, the author of this 'teaching guide' tried to justify their lunacy by saying that these statements are not their own, and were merely borrowed from publications made by several other historians. Excuse me, that in itself is a very weak and lame excuse! Since when did a few zealots opinions form the backbone of our country's history? One man's opinion, does not history make.


But..but..but...it's just a guide

What infuriates and saddens me even more than these blatant lies is that our Higher Education Ministry will not even lift a finger to make things right. According to them, and a certain minister by the name of Datuk Mustapa watshisname,

"We will not recall this guide. Its claims are not considered seditious because it is not a 'book' in the real sense as it did not go through the editing process that a textbook would undergo"

So let me see if I get things right, as long as such inflamatory statements come in a publication which does not have the word 'BUKU' printed on its cover, then it's alright? Correct me if I am wrong, but it makes absolutely no sense! Racially biased lies are exactly that, lies, irregardless of whatever medium they may come from.


What if it were the other way round?

If my memory serves me well, I recall a big hoo-hah being raised over an advertisement which was aired on our local television network. In the ad, a Malay men played the part of an inconsiderate LRT passenger. Although it was just an ad meant to convey the importance of civility, many people thought otherwise. To them, it was an attack on the Malay race! It was racialy oppressive! It was a form of subversive victimisation! Bla bla bla ad infinitum.

All that fuss over a seemingly innocuous TV ad.

I really wonder what would the Higher Education Ministry do if a 'teaching guide', claiming that the Malays are the reason for our country's economic malaise, were to be published. Would they still say that due to the fact that it's merely a 'guide' and not a 'book', they see no harm in it being circulated and in the hands of thousands of young students?

You tell me.


The Malaysia we know and love

With the people in power refusing to acknowledge the gross misrepresentation present in this teaching guide, I can't help but wonder what is happening to our country. Whatever happened to the Malaysian ideals? The dream of living harmoniously together with people of all races? Of peace, respect and tolerance?

Are all the good things which Malaysia stands for slowly disappearing due to the actions of a group of misguided individuals?

Honestly, I don't have the answer to that. You tell me.

*the Education Guide has since been withdrawn, as reported in The Star, July 20th. Looks like there is hope after all

Now That the World Cup is Over..

...I can finally ...

• erase from my mind, the disturbing images of Gattusso running around the pitch in his briefs
• get my hands on the Adidas Teamgeist football (hopefully they will discount the price after the world cup)
  
• forgive Brazil for their utterly hopeless world cup performance
• get rid of my 'France Team' voodoo dolls (which worked superbly I might add...ho ho ho)
• stop laughing everytime I hear the word 'England' and 'World Cup Winners' mentioned in the same sentence
• sign up for Zidane's school of head-butting martial arts
• look forward to seeing Malaysia in World Cup South Africa 2008 (yeah rite!)

Hmmm...anything else I missed?

1+1=3

The power of mental arithmetic

I walked into my office's washroom and heard this guy speaking loudly on his handphone,

"40%??!!!! That's not even one-third!!!!!"

...pause...

...then in a quiet, sheepish voice...

"Oh yah, it's more than one-third. Sorry"

I laughed, then proceeded to take a dump.

Look Ma, It's Me!

Hodgepodge I Am in the papers



My colleague brought this to my attention yesterday. Pretty strange, how some people find the crap I post in my blog fit for publication in a national newspaper. Oh well, I guess they have to fill their pages with something...hahahah, and I'm not complaining lah. Hopefully this will result in my blog receiving oodles of hits, and I'll be catapulted to instant stardom, woo hoo! I will have many many fans, and we'll all go off and form our own country and live happily ever after.

Ahhhhh...the stuff that dreams are made of.