Little Wannabe Girls

Goodness Gracious Me

I've never heard of this supposed clique of small girlies called 'Stellar' before (I doubt you have either, unless you make a living by browsing through every single Friendster profile there is), but I came across it while reading kennysia.com this morning. In all my 25 years of life, I've never come across anything so absolutely inspiring, hilarious and yet sad.


(above: Ma look at me! I'm a wannabe!)

Inspiring because it reconfirms my belief that no matter how old you live to be, life never fails to amaze you with its collection of loony human beings.

Hilarious because 'people who speaking broken England while wanted to being cool' never fails to tickle my funny-bone.

And sad because, well, these girls are Malaysians for crying out loud! What a shame, to know that there are Malaysians amongst us who are capable of such LOA (Lack of Attention) behavior.


(above: Somebody save that poor lil dog from the hideous beast behind it!)

You have no idea what I'm talking about right?

Alright, lemme explain. The *cough cough* 'Stellars' clique consists of a group of girls who probably spent too much time glossing their nails while reading Sweet Valley Twins. As we all know, excessive inhalation of fumes from nail-polish can do weird things to a person's brain.

It was in this state of nail-polish-induced nirvana that the girls probably realised, "Hey, we have no life. Let's make that known to everyone by starting our very own exclusive clique and calling it ....hmmm gosh....Stellar perhaps?"


(above: The girl in the pink dress deserves to be shot. Somebody please loan her a copy of CLEO!!)

Elated, they proceeded to high-five one another while dancing around their room in their PJs while chanting "STELLAR STELLAR, DIRTY FELLAR!". These girls were probably ecstatic, and for good reason. Their normal mundane lives were soon to be transformed into one which is filled with ah lian pink clothing, gaudy make-up, self-taken self-portraits and fine dining at *gasp* Restoran Nasi Kandar Penang!

Ahhh, life was looking good indeed for our abovementioned young girls.


(above: Call the fashion police! A gruesome crime against all that is pure and colour-coordinated is taking place!)

Truth is stranger than fiction

You don't believe me?? I am serious! Such people truly exist! Check out this particular Stellar member's profile if you want proof (there were some other profiles listed on kennysia.com but their poor grasp of English and blinding pink-themes made reading them painful to the eye).


(above: Ouch, my eyes my eyes!!)

I only read this profile coz the others were pretty boring. But from what I gather, these girls frequently gathered together to:

- Dress up in their maid's clothing
- Apply buncho poster paint on their face
- Take pictures of themselves...
- and more pictures of themselves...
- and more pictures...*yawn*

Here are some quotes from this particular girl's profile:

I'm a fashion fanatic. Fashion is my passion and shopping is my talent. I fancy high fashion and designer labels such as Gucci, Louis Vuitton, Fendi, Prada, Chanel, Christian Dior & etc. I shop till I drop for clothes, shoes, bags, watches, cosmetics, accessories, jewelries/bling blings like diamonds, gold, pearls, crystals & etc. A classy chick and glamorous girl I am indeed.

That's exactly what she said about herself, quite hard to believe eh? I promise I didn't edit a single word, it's all fer real yo! Wait, it gets better. These girls seemed to notice all the attention their clique was getting and responded by posting comments such as the one below on each other's Friendster profile.

Look at me, look at us! I'm trying to show a point that we are REAL girls who are not afraid to show people the REAL us. Hey, believe it or not, we are being ourselves. Didn't know that this will intimidate others and brings out their jealousy.

We live in our Stellar dreams and nobody can ever turn it into a nightmare. We will support and stand up for our sisters no mater what.*Mwah* Love ya, PP.

Fame is a gift that comes with a very high price. Noone would buy themselves gifts as such, for unlike us, they would never be able to afford it. Paying the price of success, fame and glory has become such a norm to us, it's like grabbing lunch! Wanna grab lunch tomorrow? An expensive one of course. LOL.

Urrggghhhhhh....my head is spinning after having read all these 'intellectual' comments.


Oh Dah-Linggggg *Muaks Muaks*

The really sad thing about these girls is this, they truly believe that everyone is envious of them. They think all the attention they are getting is from people who want to be like them. I don't know about you, but I find that a wee bit......sad.

It must be tough going through life being so obsessed about what people think of you, being so caught up in living the supposedly 'high life', idolizing people like Paris Hilton; and thinking that everyone aspires to be like you whereas in reality everyone is just pointing and laughing.

Their character reminds me of the Emperor in the story "The Emperor's New Clothes". In that story, the Emperor got conned into walking down the streets of his kingdom stark naked, thinking all the while that he had on some new, expensive clothes. As everyone pointed, stared and laughed, the Emperor grew even prouder, thinking that everyone was staring because they were jealous whereas in actual fact, they were just laughing and mocking him.

It's the same with these few girls. They may delude themselves into thinking that everyone is just jealous of them, heck they may even think that they are becoming 'famous'! I just hope that one day (hopefully soon), they will see what everyone else sees and stop doing this to themselves. I mean, they are pretty normal looking and I am sure they can look decent if they didn't insist on putting on such gaudy clothes. Surely they don't have to resort to such strange ways just to attract attention.

Having said that, the girls did state in one of their profiles that a lot of people post stuff about them in their blogs hoping to get more readers. Well, the number of new visitors to my blog has dwindled a bit lately. Hopefully by posting up pictures of strange looking little girls, I'll be able to attract more hits eh, hahahah.


(above: The wind-blown look gone horribly wrong)

Jog, Jog, Jog

Jogging and Me

There was a period in my life where I religiously jogged every alternate day. Without fail I'd don my running shoes, do my stretches and head on to my usual jogging trail.

Those days are long gone (Alright, it was only around 2 months ago but it feels like a long time!).

Over the past few weeks, I've degenerated into a lazy %#$@ who can barely cram one jogging session into a week. There is always an excuse for not heading outdoors - the weather is too hot; it looks like it's gonna rain; there is this absolutely fascinating show on RTM 1 which I just HAVE to watch (which is a lie because the only people who watch RTM 1 are 2-year olds and household plants) and yadda yadda yadda.


I Will Survive!!

I can feel myself becoming soft. Whereas I could previously jog quite a considerable distance in one go (bear in mind that this is all relative), I now find myself wheezing and panting like an asthamatic old geezer after a couple of steps.

This will never do! At this rate, I'll be one of those typical pot-bellied old men by the time I hit 30. Never!!! My vanity will never allow it!

There's a glint of steely determination in my eye. In fact, I've brought along my jogging attire to the office this morning, ready to hit the trails at KLCC park after work. I will resume my normal workout schedule even if it kills me!

If for some reason I don't make it back alive this evening, you guys know where to find me. Oh yah, and bring along a stretcher as well....and some oxygen....and a bar of snickers. Urk!


(above: I'll probably look like this)

Shake Your Booty

Melaka here we go, oleh oleh oleh

On the first weekend of March, me together with several other dancers will be making our way down to Melaka to perform a dance for Hitz.FM's birthday bash. We'll be part of Liang's (soon to be more popular than Mawi and Siti Nurhaliza combined...hyuk hyuk) performance, dancing to 2 songs - his hit single 'Show Me Watcha Got' and his rendition of 'Let's Get It Started' by the Black Eyed Peas.

We've been practicing these 2 songs over the past week, with another week and a half to go before the actual performance. That's pretty tight, especially since I've never performed these songs before. Ah well, at least I could always rely on my self-jotted, stick-man dance notes to help me out :)


(above: Now let's see, was it a step, step, twist? or step, twist, step? Argghhh!)

Drink Anlene, for strong and healthy bones

Learning new dance moves when I'm in my mid-late 20's sure is different compared to the stuff I did when I was in my teens I tell ya. I guess that's what happens the older you get. Your body becomes less accomodating and your mind can't absorb new stuff as fast anymore...hahah. Sighh...soon the only dance I'll be able to do is the 'Senior Shuffle', where you pirouette around the dance floor with a walker in one hand and a inhaler in the other.

Well, with only a few more sessions left before the actual dance, I'm pretty pumped up. I've always enjoyed performing - the bright lights, anticipation, euphoria, and satisfaction of a job well done. I just wish I had more 'perform-able' talents such as singing. Now that would be cool!

Oh well, dancing is something I enjoy too, and I believe that the Melaka event is gonna be great. Ahhh...it's something to tell the grandkids about :)


(above: My poor aching feet)

Things I Did...

...during the weekend

1) Watch my friend stab himself in the eye




2) Visited the flea market at The Curve




3) Took a spastic friend out for his daily walk




4) Made friends with siamese triplets




5) Watched our Malaysian team of 'Synchronised Leg-Crossers' prepare for Beijing 2008




6) Mingled with some rejects from the reject shop



As you can see, I've had a totally mundane and unremarkable weekend. How I miss it :)

Malaysia, Myself and I

Da New Cabinet Iz In Da Houze

After much talk and hullabaloo, we've finally been introduced over the past week to the new and old faces which will make up our cabinet. Some people complained that the new line-up still retained quite a few of the 'old-guard' ministers, myself included. But ahh, waddaya expect? Those people (who shall remain unnamed) did not climb their way to the top by kissing the wrong arses you know..hahah.

One particular person whom I felt should have been replaced was our Minister of International Trade and Industry, Rafidah Aziz. A lot of people were surprised that she still retained her position, what with the big 'scandal' which errupted last year over her ministry's interesting way of allocating APs.

Badawi defended his decision by saying that the AP scandal is not the main issue here and should not be used against Rafidah. True enough, APs are but a small part of our economic landscape, but cronyism is pervasive and should be eliminated at all cost. Isn't that what the whole AP issue was about anyway? Cronyism?


Good news for us Malaysians

I was also quite pleased to read that our country's FDI has increased to RM17.9 bil in 2005. After so much talk about how China's gonna suck up every last cent of FDI (which it sort of did actually to the tune of RM223.8 bil, phwoar!), it's good to know that Malaysia still manages to hold her own. We've also registered a trade surplus of almost RM100 bil in 2005, Malaysia Boleh! Maybe the US of A should send their policy makers down over here for a lesson on how to curb their trade deficit eh...hyuk hyuk.

Some people might attribute this growth to our Iron Lady's skill and savvy, but personally, I think this growth is expected, in view of the overall growth of the global economy and the Asian region in particular. Growing while the global economic engine is chugging along healthily is all fine and well, but growing when everyone else is struggling is a true test of a country's (and its ministers) capabilities, competence and resiliance. Let's see what the future holds in store for us eh.

November's Chopin is Excellent

Getting back to my roots...*chiangggg*

I've become a pretty big Jay Chou fan as of late. Yes yes, you can say that I'm super outdated, but I admit that it wasn't until only recently that I was exposed to his stuff although he has already been around for quite some time.

While I've always liked songs sung in Mandarin, I've never been a big fan of all those China & Hongkie singers, with the exception of perhaps David Tao, Jackie Cheung and a few other more normal ones. To me, the majority of them can be described with one word - Gay. Them and their fancy-pancy costumes. They look like a bunch of fruit cakes prancing around on stage. Look no further than Leon Lai and Aaron Kwok to get what I mean. Ugghhh...so gay.


K'ung-Fu-Tzu Says....

While my music preference has always gravitated towards English genres such as rock/alternatice, hip-hop....I'm curently experiencing something of a Chinese renaissance. I've been listening to more and more Chinese songs, and this has led me to discover a few gems by fellows such as Wang Lee Hom and Jay Chou.

What can I say? Their stuff is pretty bloody excellent. And this coming from a guy who has no idea what in the world they are singing about (my mandarin vocab is limited to 'wo ai ni', 'ni ai wo' and other basic phrases like that).

I strongly recommend that you check out Jay Chou's latest album entitled 'November's Chopin'. Pay special attention to track number 3, a song called 'Fa Ru Xue' (Hair Like Snow). It's my favorite in the album and if you find that you also like it, you know who to thank. As of now, I'm in the process of 'perfecting' several Jay Chou songs on my girlfriend's karaoke machine at home so that I can 'impress the pants off' (or scare the crap out off) my friends the next time we hit Redbox...muahahah *evil laughter*. Let me know if you're brave enough to come along.

Babies are Babe Magnets

Or are they?

People say that the best way to pick up girls is by taking a cute baby for a walk. Just let the little infant do its thang and sit back and watch as the females come flocking in droves to 'oooh' and 'aaah' and generally make a huge fuss over it.

Adoring females : Awwww, that baby is soooo cute!
Guy with Baby : Yea loh, people say he takes after me woh.
AF : Wahhh, very true oso ler. YOU are so cute!
GwB : It runs in the family.
AF : Would you make love to me?
GwB : Alright.

Sounds pretty simple hor? I couldn't find anyone who was willing to 'loan' me their baby for this experiment (don't they care about science??). No choice lor, I'll just have to post a video of a cute baby and see if it works then.



Let the flocking begin!

Perverted Religious Officers

Why am I not surprised?

I remember something which happened way back in 1992, when I was still in primary school. One of my classmates, a girl, was sexually harassed by a religious teacher, an Ustad or whatever it is they are called. I remember this Oostad coming in the classroom looking all pious and holy in his robe and songkok, talking about the virtues of obeying his god and blah blah blah.

What a joke.

The Uztart was accused of groping the girl and sending her sexually suggestive notes during class. Needless to say, there was a big hoo-hah over this, with all the parents up in arms. In the end, the Oozdud was unceremoniously kicked out of the school. I don't know what happened to him after that, but I do remember seeing the Oos-turd in the Subang Jaya pasar malam a few years later hand-in-hand with a really young girl, hugging and kissing.

Fast forward around a decade, and the situation is still the same, if not worst. Anyone remember the report of those religious officers raiding a nightclub in KL and detaining all the malay men and women? Remember how they oogled at the female detainees and forced them to do humiliating dances in front of a gaggle of horny, perverted religious zealots who kept making sexually derogatory remarks?

After such 'enlightening' experiences, you can't blame me for barely lifting an eyebrow when I read this in the newspaper.

KUALA LUMPUR: A group of moral crusaders had the tables turned on them when they were arrested by the police for allegedly molesting a woman they had caught for khalwat.

A 21-year-old banquet supervisor and his 17-year-old sales assistant girlfriend, who were at her brother's home in Kg Sungai Penchala, had a shock when the men kicked open the door and stormed into the house.

Brickfields OCPD Asst Comm Mohd Dzuraidi Ibrahim said the men, aged between 24 and 44, beat up the boyfriend when he tried to explain that they had not been doing anything wrong, causing him to suffer injuries to his face, eyes and body.

“They then broke into the bathroom where the girl was taking a shower and allegedly groped and fondled her.

“One of the men also slapped her,” said ACP Mohd Dzuraidi.

The men then dragged the couple to the Brickfields police district headquarters to lodge a police report against them for khalwat.

However, they received a nasty surprise when police arrested them instead after the girl lodged a report against them.

This just reconfirms what I've already known all these years. The biggest perverts are the idiots who go around spying on couples and arresting them under the guise of religious duty. How many more times must this happen before the muslim community in Malaysia does something to stop it? Although I'm not a muslim and this does not affect me directly, it still pisses me off to read of such things happening in a supposedly 'modern' city such as Kuala Lumpur. I sincerely feel for my muslim friends who have to put up with such rubbish.

Khalwat Officers.

Pah!

My Chinese New Year Story - Part II

Visiting Dan The Man

Most of my readers would be familiar with Dan The Man....also known as 'Dan Da MAN!' (exclamation mark included). Just a bit of background here, Dan The Man started life as a simple boy called Daniel Loke. Little did he know the greatness which would be bestowed upon him in the years to come.

Over time, the significance of his MANliness began to surface, like a majestic whale breaking the surface of the ocean as it comes up for air (no pun intended)...*guffaw*

His kau lui feats are legendary amongst the young men of Petaling Jaya, and his skills at transporting female passengers are second to none. In fact, rumour has it that he moonlights as a modern day robin-casanova-hood, zooming around the streets of PJ in his trusty SLK, all the while keeping an eye out for damsels in distress. King Arthur has his Excalibur, and Dan the Man has his formidable green jacket which he uses to protect helpless females from the chills of our churches dastardly air-con.

A true modern day hero. Hou man ahhhhh!

Nobody knows what he really looks like underneath his 'Take Me I'm Yours' t-shirt, but here's a spy-shot of him risking life and limb to lift a box of exruciatingly heavy cookies to serve several unidentified female guests in his home.



We visited Dan the Man's house on the 3rd day of CNY, where we collected ang pows, ate loads of junk food and generally had a good time.


(above: Wholesome health food)


(above: I forgot to smile)


(above: Flora and Fauna, oops...I mean't Adrian)


(above: Chi Yen my guitar guru and her fiancee, Daren, who according to Singapore's National Service is clinically obese...ahahah)


(above: Alvin turned 30 this year. Seeing as how he's an old man now, he promised not to make any more faces in photos. He failed terribly though. I mean, just look at that awful face he's pulling in this picture!)

This was followed by a trip to Sit Fong's house where the girls had a good time of fellowship, and the guys made a fool of themselves trying to play carem. I tell ya, carem is one frustratingly difficult game. In one game, I managed to pot a grand total of 1 plastic coin. ONE!!! @&#%$#!! Whoever invented it probably had too much time on his/her hands and no friends.

Next up was Chi Yen's house where her super-power air-cond and guitar skills never fail to amaze me. She has a 12 string guitar which she proceeded to play, impressing the crap out of the rest of us. I tried giving it a go but discovered that I sucked. Ah well, looks like I will just stick with ye trusty ol' 6-string matey...arrrRrRR.

We ended the day at my house, playing mahjong and cards. This CNY was not a good one for me. I lost terribly in Chor Dai Ti and got my butt kicked at blackjack. Darn those cards!!


(above: Zounds! Girl on girl action in my home!)


(above: A picture of intense concentration.)

Yap Open House

In this uncertain world of ours, there are a few things you can count on come Chinese New Year. First, you know for sure that the weather will be frying-eggs-on-sidewalk hot. Secondly, the police will always talk about how much they want to clamp down on fireworks, but in actual fact are just looking for ways to be more corrupt than they already are. Last of all, you can definitely count on the Yap's having another one of their Chor Mm Open House. It's become a yearly tradition of sorts. A great time to catch up with people you haven't seen in ages, oh and also to lose shitloads of money at blackjack...hahahah.


(above: Mr and Mrs Yap)


(above: Here are the gambling brigade. Oops, did I say gambling? I mean 'card enthusiasts')


(above: Everybody say Gong Xi!)


(above: Be careful. Assuntarians spotted.)


(above: Nope, this Gerald is not drunk. He just looks permanently stoned.)


(above: Cawin and Daniel, before they proceeded to bathe each other in the pool in the background... ugghh)


(above: They are not gay, Serious!)


(above: Errr...is it just me, or do these 2 lions look like they are about to mate?)


(above: The Yap brothers before they got drunk. Look how alert and sober they are. Such nice boys... ahah)

Of course, no CNY bash would be complete without having more than half of the guests stone-drunk by the end of the night. Judging by the way the guests this year had to stagger or be physically hauled back to their cars by their concerned spouses, I would say that the party this year was a smashing success. Below is a picture I took with one of the alcoholics that night ... hahaha.


(above: Arrhe ooeeerrr muhhhh-dongggg fraccckkkk)

More cards and mahjong at Damansara Heights

Like leading a lamb to the slaughter. We should have suspected that something was amiss when Adrian politely invited us to his crib in Damansara Heights (a friggin huge crib I might add). He tempted us with promises of fine food and tasty red bean soup, something no normal Malaysian could possibly resist. Once he had lulled us into a false sense of security, he proceeded to maul our collective sorry arses round after round at blackjack.


(above: The poor unsuspecting folks *sniff*)


(above: Who said anything about gambling? I was merely studying *ahem* the fascinatingly intricate details on the playing cards)


(above: Girls in the kitchen where they belong...ahahahahHAHAH)

We panicked and tried to make for the exits. In the confusion, many helpless furry animals and innocent creatures were trampled underfoot. Their squeeks of anguish still ring loudly in my ears till today *shudder*.


(above: These wise people avoided the slaughter by sticking with mahjong)

Adrian laughed with maniacal glee at our pitiful state and proceeded to unleash hand after hand of 21s, double aces and full houses. We were sitting ducks. To his credit though, he did feel remorse over what he had done, and promised that he will treat us to a nice lunch to make up for his evil-doings. Well, we're still waitinggggg....muahahah


(above: Some of us were not willing to wait for the lunch treat, and tried to steal food from the kitchen to cover their losses)

My Gong Xi Gong Xi

Hou Yat Koh Ying Chun Fah

Well, Chinese New Year has come and gone. For me, this festival has always been a flurry of activities, visitations, ang pow collecting and bondings with family and friends. This year was no different. All in all, I had a great Chinese new year although my ang pow collection was pathetic. I won’t mention the amount but RM250 is not a lot of money nowadays.

The past week was spent consuming unhealthy amounts of carcinogenic dried pork meat, staying up till ungodly hours in the morning, drinking bucket loads of sugar-laden fizzy drinks and faring terribly at blackjack. Ahhh, what a great time it was. Here’s my CNY story told in a series of photos (because I’m too lazy to type much).


My Chinese New Year

As usual, the first day of Chinese New Year was family reunion time. This time around it was held in my uncle’s house somewhere in Sungai Buloh. I know to most people, family reunion time is usually spent gathered around a TV watching either crappy Chinese movie reruns, or a bunch of annoying little girls singing Chinese New Year songs. Well for my family, we watched discovery channel instead. I must say, I learnt a lot about the mating habits of male bull seals this CNY.


(above: Actual food was minimal, but we had tons of junk food..muahahah)


(above: My lil ol' granny)


(above: For Chinese, its customary to grab wildly for any morsel of food you can find )


(above: Yup, we're watching the discovery channel)


(above: Who's the good looking dude with the camera?)


(above: You can't see it from this photo, but my grandma is beaming with pride at how much food my 12 year old cousin can devour in a minute. Grandmothers, they take pride in the strangest things.)


(above: My cousin from Rawang. All my cousins are younger than me, with the youngest still wearing diapers. I sometimes wished I had older cousins...sighh)

This year’s CNY was also ‘special’ because I achieved the unprecedented feat of visiting Putrajaya not once, not twice but THREE times! In fact, I’m so sick of the place that if I’ll scream if I see another signboard with the word ‘Precint’ on it.

*PRECINT*

Argghhhhhhhhhhh!!!

*PRECINT*

Aaaaaaiiiiieeeeeeeeee!!

You must be wondering if I have a fetish for our government’s administrative capital but let me assure you, my fetishes are restricted solely to leather whips, chains and dentures (Hmmm, did I say too much?).

The reason I had rombongans to Putrajaya was because my mom had never seen the place before, and being the good son that I am, I thought that I’ll take her on a little tour. Of course, this was followed by my grandma never having seen the place before, my outstation uncle never having seen the place before, and some of my friends never having seen the place before. And being the good grandson/nephew/friend that I am, I am sure you can guess what transpired.

When I went to Putrajaya with my group of friends, we took loads of photos but due to the fact that most of them are too indecent to be viewed by anyone under the age of 50, I'll just post this picture I took of my car. Voila!


(above: Beautiful isn't it? And the building is not bad either...hyuk hyuk. Cliche, I know.)

On the second day of Chinese New Year, my sister kindly treated my mom and I to tim-sum at Sunway hotel. The food was good, although the service was really quite slow. I mean c’mon, how long does it take to steam a few dumplings and paus? The slow service did not prevent me from having a good time with my family though, coz we don’t often get the chance to eat out together.


(above: Mother and Daughter. Son is nowhere to be seen.)


(above: These tim-sums travelled at 1 TSPH (Tim Sum Per Hour). Slowwwwww)

After makan-ing, I brought my family to Aquaria in KLCC. For those of you who are blur, Aquaria is Malaysia’s very own indoor aquarium housing a variety of sea creatures from Sting Rays to Sharks. Cool! I’ve been itching to see the place for quite some time now actually. However when I arrived at the entrance, I was greeted by the sight of a long line of sweaty, hot and bothered Malaysians, all patiently waiting for their turn to purchase their admission ticket. The long was so bloody long that it stretched all the way from the ticketing counter to the bloody car park! There was no way I would subject myself to such torture, especially on a holiday. Disappointed, I proceeded to drown my sorrows with a cone of Haagen-Dazs goodness.


(above: My sis and mom aren't big fans of Aquaria, hence their smiling faces.)

Seeing as how I won’t be able to see any real live sharks for now, I’ll make do with this tacky picture I found online.


(above: It isn't quite the same as the real thing is it?...sighhhh)

To be continued....